Please help...

Adoption is a strange thing. It has the ability to create friendships between people who have never met "in the real world". I have "met" many amazing women through the adoption process. One of whom needs our help. Corey at http://watchingthewaters.wordpress.com/ has been to me, one of the most inspiring women I have met thus far. She has answered my questions, offered suggestions, etc to help Wil and his transition to life in our family. I am sure am not the only one who looks up to her....she needs our help. Please go to her blog and read her story.

Hard to believe...

It makes my brain hurt to think that five years ago today, at this very time I was in the hospital nursery giving Sam his very first bath...he was five hours old and we we just hanging out getting ready to go home...There is no way for me to express in words how much I love this little boy. He is my heart.


Leaving the hospital~12 hours old.

Five years later...

Time has a way of just sneaking up on you, doesn't it?

Love you, buddy.

Bullet Update

I am alive but with Summer and five kids I have found it more than difficult to get on and blog...so here is a rundown of the last several weeks.

* Wil is cornering the market on being defiant and even after parenting four other kids through the "threes" I am lost on what to do. He seems to listen to Phil but looks right at me and does whatever he is not supposed to do. I am hopeful that come Sept and school starting it will improve as he will have more one on one time with me.

* Sam turns five tomorrow and to say that I am a bit weepy is the understatement of the year. It is hard for me to even come to terms with the fact that five years ago today I was trudging along with broken water waiting for labour to begin and now here we are five years later. I ache for him to be small again...

* The new house is coming along and we have a move-in date of October 22, about a month after what we initially thought. Thankfully the buyers of this house were willing to push back their possession with the help of some money...

* My refresher nursing course is gross. Enough said.

* I am attempting to buy furniture for the new house and am finding that I am the most indecisive human being on Earth.

* The kids start back at school next Thursday and I am not ready for that either. Summer goes by far too fast around here.

* Phil and I spent three days in Vegas at the end of July. I cannot express in words how nice it was to have three solid days with only adults. The shopping was great, the food was awesome, and we saw Seinfeld, who by the way, was beyond funny.

* I have many pictures to post but no time as I just saw Wil shove raisins in the cats mouth...

A trivial rundown of the Bachelorette

I have to say that I was pretty excited about the Bachelorette this season. After all she was Canadian, seemed sweet and well spoken. I have come to realize that she may actually be the most annoying one ever. I am not sure what is wrong with her. A chronic sinus condition, a deviated septum, a cocaine addiction? But why is she always congested? I just want to reach through the tv and blow her nose for her. And what is with that revolting squeal? Soooo annoying.

Then there is her nasty habit of talking too much. What I once thought was just a girl with a firm grasp on the English language is now a girl who won't shut up. For example, if she was asked about her overnight date with Ed she would say something along the lines of " I just think that the emotional toll is finally catching up with us and our firm belief in our affection towards each other is being tested due to the infinite amount of stress we are under. Therefor the physical aspect of our relationship suffered as a manifestation of the enormous burden we are shouldering at this so very stressful time". Now ask that question to a normal person and they would say "Ed can't get a boner". Yup, I said it. Ed can't get a boner.

Speaking of Ed...dear sweet Ed. I have to say that he has been my fave since the beginning. He looks like Denny from Grey's Anatomy and I love Denny, so instant bonus points. In addition to his cuteness he seems mature, normal, grounded, and reasonably intelligent....But my love for Ed was tested this week. The first blow was when he decided that short green bathing trunks were acceptable, and I mean short. As far as I am concerned no man should show thigh when wearing a bathing suit. I am pretty sure he borrowed them from Marcia Brady. They were too short, too tight, and too gross. Then...did you see what he wore to the rose ceremony? What the Hell was that? It looked to be a pale blue or possibly lavender seersucker sports coat? Am I right? What was he thinking? He looked like he was going to an Easter egg hunt! And what was with his bowl cut hair-do? Was it windy? Was Dumb and Dumber his favorite movie? Not good Ed, not good at all.

Then there is Kypton. From the neck down this man is impeccable. I am pretty sure if you cut off his head he would be the poster child for "Hunky Men Weekly". Unfortunately removal of ones head is not possible so we are left with Dumbo man. Why oh why, does he not have those bad boys pinned down? I think a magic feather is in order for this lad. And since we are on the topic of his cranium...I am pretty sure it is empty. I don't think this guy is very bright. I don't mean he is not a member of MENSA. I mean, he more than likely needs an "R" and "L" written on his shoes to help him out. The blank stare would get old real fast.

Slim pickings this year....

One year home...

Today marks one year since Wil came home. I am not about to say that this has been an easy year, or an easy transition because all who know me know that it has been at times, an uphill climb. Adopting and now parenting Wil has taught me things about myself that I didn't know. My patience has been tried. My sanity has been questioned. It has taken me a long time to get to appreciate my new normal.

A year in I have to say that things are slowly becoming "normal" again. Parenting five children is now becoming easier and my relationship with my new son is slowly evolving. If anyone would have told me before he came home that we were looking at a year to get to a sense of balance, I would have thought they were being ridiculous. Now that we have 365 days behind us I can say that I am grateful for each and every one of those days. My sense of accomplishment in navigating what turns out to be, one of the hardest years of my life, has left me feeling stronger, left me more confident in how we parent our children, and most importantly- happy.

Happy Forever Day, Wil!

Part 7...

I was happy to get home and find that it was nice and warm outside and couldn't help but wonder how Wil would have reacted if we brought him home in the winter. I was preparing myself for a fight to get him into the car seat but to my surprise he just sat there and looked out the window. It wasn't more than 10 minutes and he was asleep. I am sure the amount of sleeping he was doing was not a physical need but more of an emotional one. If he was asleep we didn't exist, make sense? We arrived home as a caravan of cars and brought Wil into the house. The kids had decorated with balloons and streamers and hung their sign on the garage door.

More people arrived and Wil did very well. He was shy until the balloons came down and then he had a blast throwing them in the air and catching them. Everyone wanted a chance to hold him or cuddle him and he seemed ok with it, except for the men, he was not too sure about them, can you blame him?
Wil and the kids....

I realized about an hour or two into the party that I was exhausted. A tired that I cannot explain. It gripped every inch of my body and I truly felt close to tears. I am not sure if it was simply being so physically tired or if it was the combination of that and the emotional roller coaster I had just been on. What I did know was that I wanted to go to bed...for a week. People soon started to file out and before I knew it my house seemed empty. Sam went to bed with Phil, Grace was passed out on the couch, and Wil was looking at me like he had just been on a week long bender, talk about over stimulation! I brought him upstairs and tucked him into bed. He rolled over and without a sound went to sleep. I couldn't help but pause at the bedroom door and watch my two boys sleeping. That little bed has been waiting for a warm body for a long time and after all that time he was here....

and the fun begins....

Part 6...

The alarm clock went off first, the phone never did, and the hotel wake up call came when I was in the shower. I answered the phone while in the shower. I am not sure why they have a phone in the bathroom and if you think about what is probably on that phone you may actually throw up a bit in your mouth. YUCK. I don't even sit on the top cover of the hotel beds and here I am putting this thing against my face....ok, moving on.

I must have been enjoying that shower a bit too much because when I got out I realized I needed to hustle to get downstairs in time for my first flight. I attempted to beautify myself knowing there would be many pictures taken that day once we got home. My hair had become the texture of a brilo pad and since I had no flat iron I tried to blow dry it and brush it out. Well that didn't work so well since the hair dryer didn't actually ever get warm. Oh well, I tried. Once Wil and were dressed, teeth brushed and out the door we headed down to find out where we checked in. We were flying to Toronto first and then home to Calgary. I am not sure why but there are about five counters for each airline and by some miraculous turn of events I found the right one on the first try. It was weird. The woman behind the counter kept smiling at me. I wasn't sure why but she did. She would look at Wil and then at me and give me this weird soap opera smile. At one point she said to me "God will bless you for this". What do you say to that? Uh, thanks? It took her forever to get the boarding passes printed mainly because every two freaking seconds she would gaze at me and smile. I swear in some cultures that would make us married...

We grabbed our boarding passes and moved on to my favorite part of the airport-security. I immediately find myself behind some uptight idiot who is obviously a moron in a hurry. He is taking his stuff and literally throwing it on the belt, nothing in a basket just loose on the belt. The security people tell him to redo it and put everything in a basket and then push it through. That was obviously a big inconvenience to him because he starts swearing and yelling and acting like he is related to salami man. I edge by him since I am not a moron and know the rules. He shoots me a dirty look and mumbles something about me not having any manners. Whatever. Dork. I am now officially starving. I managed to eat almost nothing in Haiti but since arriving in Miami I have become a ravenous hog. I scope out my options and settle on a muffin and of course, a diet coke. Wil has decided that he is on a hunger strike at this point. He wants nothing to do with any of the food I have brought him and just clamps his mouth shut when I offer it to him. I am not sure how smart he is but I assume he is bright enough to not starve himself. I give him the food and let him do with it as he so pleases. I then, gorge myself with ooey gooey muffiny goodness.

The woman across from me where we are sitting is another loon. She looks at me then at Wil and then does a "tsk tsk". What does that mean? The plane ride to Toronto was easy. Wil fell asleep and I think may have as well. It was a bit bumpy at the end but I managed to keep that muffin where it belongs, in my small intestine. I am one of those people who loves to look out the window when we land. I love seeing all the little buildings, the cars driving by, the people, etc. This was no exception. I sat there with my face pressed up against the plane window like a complete a dork with this big goofy smile on my face. There is something about arriving back home in Canada, it just feels different. The greenness, the cleanliness, the quality of the air...it just feels right. Since this was our point of entry into Canada we had to do our immigration papers here. We lined up in the normal immigration line and were then taken to a different office to get Wil's permanent residency forms done. The officer was very nice and took us into his office. He asked me the standard questions like "does your son have any children?" or "has your son been to jail?"...after he was done he stood up and came out from behind his desk. He shook Wil's hand and said "Welcome to Canada buddy, Welcome home." It was very sweet.

Before you can leave the immigration area and move on to your connector flight they feed all new Canadians through this area that is lined with pamphlets and brochures and a crazy woman with way too much eye make-up. She asks where Wil is from and what language he speaks and makes note of it in her little ledger book. She then starts handing me all sorts of brochures, these were a few of my favorites..."How to use a newspaper in Canada" (I guess ours are different than in other parts of the world), "How to catch the bus", and another beauty and totally age appropriate for a two year old, "How to get a job". I told her that I was Canadian, had been my entire life and that we didn't need these useless wastes of paper. We had a car, Wil can't read, and he isn't planning on getting a job until he is at least four....she would have nothing to do with it and just kept piling them in my hands. After her a guy comes up with a big nylon bag full of more crap to give me. I told him I didn't want it, he told me I had to take it. I have a two year old, a diaper bag, my laptop, and a carry-on, like I need another freakin bag! We walk towards the door and just to be a complete hag I make a deliberate big deal out of throwing it all in the garbage can by the door...

Being the complete hog that I am I am hungry again. We have to change terminals to get to our final flight which involves miles of walking, several moving sidewalks, and a tram ride. By the time we get there I am sweating and need a nap. I stuff my face full of sushi and Wil continues to play the role of Gandhi. It isn't long before we get on the plane, the final plane!!!


It was about an hour into the flight when sleeping Wil decided to release the fury of his bowels. It would have been a gross tale of Haiti baby poop, an airplane washroom, and turbulence if it wasn't for the humor of watching the woman across the aisle almost barf from the smell. She was obviously getting wafts of the fury because I looked over at her and saw her sniffing the air and then making an awful face. She would then get out a magazine and start fanning it in front of her face. She had no idea where the smell was coming from and just to not clue her in it was from us I too would pretend to smell the air and scrunch up my face in disgust. The thing that always gets me is if you know something smells why do you keep trying to smell it? Every few seconds she would stop fanning herself with her US weekly and deeply inhale the aroma of what was my son's poop. Then she would act shocked and disgusted to find that it still smelled. Thankfully we had no leaks and other than loud screams of fear from being changed at 35 000 feet Wil was fine. I did notice though after our first poop explosion that the next time we went to the washroom there was a bag of coffee in the washroom left to absorb the questionable odor leaking from that little lavatory garbage can.

The plane landed on time and since I had already cleared customs and this was now a domestic flight we were able to get out of the terminal quickly. For some reason I felt strangely nervous. I knew in a matter of minutes I was going to see my friends and family...we walked to the frosted doors and they opened and there they were!! Phil, the kids, my sister and brother in law, my niece and nephew, grandparents, neighbors, friends, it was great!

Checking out all the new faces...




We hung out at the airport for a bit while everyone met Wil and then headed back to our place for the party!!

to be continued...

Part 5...

We were more than a little surprised to see that Haiti actually does pre-boarding! We figured it would just be mad dash, everybody for themselves kind of chaos to get on the plane, but it wasn't. We walked out into the heat and onto the tarmac towards the plane that was going to be the first leg of our journey home. Olivia was a bit scared of the turbines of the plane, can't say I blame her though, they do look and sound scary. We lugged our bags and kids up the rickety metal stairs and into the plane. The kids for the most part were in a state of complete awe, or possibly fear, not sure. They looked around and for the most part seemed unfazed, like they travelled this way for years.

It was almost immediate that we could feel the stares of the flight crew. They would walk by and smile at us, kind of a weird creepy, stalkerish smile, but a smile none the less. The kids did great! There was a bit of fussing about being strapped in but for the most part they were wonderful! and did you know that along with your free blue snack box American Airlines offers complimentary parenting advice? Well, they do! C was so happy to find out from our crazy Spanish flight attendant that if our kids are bad we should put them fully dressed into a cold shower. Works every time! and if they ever throw up from crying so hard we should make them clean it up and it will never happen again! Wow, look out Dr.Phil!



The plane ride to Miami was quick, painless and poop free! It doesn't get much better than that. Once we landed we waited until the plane was almost empty before attempting to get off. We figured with the kids and the bags we would surely be better off to wait than try and navigate the 18 inch aisle of the plane. The flight crew all sort of gathered near us and told us how lucky our kids were to have found us, and was the adoption long, hard, etc...the flight attendant asked if we were all family, and C said the sweetest thing, "we are now" and it is so true. We navigated this adoption together. Our files moved together from office to office never getting separated. We talked on the phone all the time, emailed and facebooked daily, we did it together and I cannot imagine it any other way. I am not sure I would have gotten through it without having someone who knew exactly what I was going through.

The lines at immigration in Miami were not bad at all. I was expecting the worst since my last visit included a two hour wait. We maneuvered our way through in about 20 minutes, no questions asked. Being food deprived for 3 days we decided that food was our priority. We checked into the hotel and then gorged on pizza in the airport. Nothing like a healthy meal of pizza and pop to start the kids off right.

What was really funny was watching the kids reaction to seeing themselves in the mirror at the hotel. Wil just sat on the bench and stared at himself. At one point he tried to lift his foot up to step into the mirror to get the "other" baby. When he realized he couldn't do it he just fell down and cried.

We hung out in our rooms for a couple hours to let our first meal digest before heading back out to feast again. I gave Wil his first warm bath and he hated it, screamed so loud C and R could hear him in their room. Poor guy. When I took him out of the tub and started lotioning him up I looked at him and his teeth were chattering! I guess AC is something he was not used to. I bundled him up and covered him up in bed, where he promptly passed out.


After a quick sleep we headed out for dinner. Again, we got some weird looks. These three white people with these three black kids, probably seemed a bit weird to some folks. I wasn't sure if going to an actual restaurant was going to be a good plan with three tired and scared kids, but they did great. We filled their bellies with another quality meal of chicken fingers and fries. What good parents we were.

It wasn't long before everyone was tired and needed to go to bed. We headed back to our rooms and said our good-byes. We took one more picture of our kids all together, looking tired and stunned. We were done. After all the phone calls, facebook messages, whining and commiserating, we were done and parting ways. Although it won't be good-bye for long, we only live one province apart and I am sure we will see each other again.

I was exhausted; sickness, travel, little sleep and I wanted to curl up and sleep for a week, but in typical me fashion I couldn't. Thank god for the laptop. I talked to my sister and a few friends online and eventually my eyes were dried out and ready to close. I set my phone alarm, the alarm clock, and got a wake up call! Overkill? maybe, but I wasn't taking any chances. The next day we were going home....

to be continued...

Part 4...

Friday morning arrived in a cloud of dust and mosquito's. I swear there must have been an entire family of those buggers sleeping with me, I awoke to about 50 bites on my arms and legs, some were so creative they got me between my fingers. Thank goodness for malaria meds!

We headed downstairs for breakfast. I can honestly say I never eat the breakfasts that are served. The eggs look weird, and the bread makes my stomach do flips and turns that it shouldn't be allowed to do. So I pass on breakfast. In actuality I think I passed on just about everything this time. I swear I probably ingested about 30 calories the entire trip and was never hungry, must have been the heat. We fed the kids and did some sitting, after all that is what you do in Haiti. Before long it was time to go and pick up our transit Visa's. C wasn't feeling so hot so R decided to go and get them for us. It worked out well. I took the kids into my oven, I mean room, C had a rest and R took the fun ride back to the embassy sans children.

So now I had a 2, almost 3, and 4 year old in my room. In order to prevent them from killing each other I did what every responsible parent does, I fed them crap. This was also the first time during the trip I took any pictures....

This was also the first time I heard Wil say anything. Maddy tried to take his cookie and along with a slap to the head he said "no!". It was funny to hear him actually speak! The kids attentions spans were short lived in my room so we headed out to he rooftop porch to hang out on the swing. They were getting loud and I didn't want them to wake C. My efforts were in vain because poor C stumbled on to the porch a few minutes later. It was cooler up there and there was an ever so small breeze that was so very welcomed. The heat was awful. I was sweating from places that I didn't even know had sweat glands. Did you know that your eyelids sweat? gross. We hung out there for a while, the kids all sat in a trance on the swing while we pushed it gently with our foot. Wil fell asleep and Maddy started to look a bit green from the motion. R arrived back to the guesthouse not too long after he left with three very wanted transit visa's! We all took a look at them, scanning them for any mistakes, but they were perfect! Yay USA! That was it, the final hurdle, we could leave!! I swear we started counting down the hours at that point until we could board that plane!

The rest of Friday went along like any day in Haiti. It dragged and flew by all at the same time. We sat upstairs in Walls while the kids slept, talking and discussing what we wanted to eat when we arrived in Miami. That's when you know you are getting hungry, when your conversation is centered around dry ribs and wings. That night we decided to go back over to the creche, to drop off a few donations and say good bye to the kids nannies. We gathered the kids and our cameras up and headed back out and on to the dark street. The streets of Haiti at night are so different than they are here. People are walking around by the dozen, music is playing, animals are running around, babies are crying.... As soon as we arrived at the door of the creche the kids were already whining. I am sure they thought they were going back. The nannies came out so we could give them their gifts and take a picture with the kids. The kids were not impressed. They wanted nothing to do with their old caregivers. Pulling away from them, crying, and just generally wanting to get out of there. Funny how after two years of care they wanted to be with the people they had known for two days. We didn't stay long. Marie was still gone house hunting and the nannies don't speak English. We said our goodbyes, dropped off our stuff and left. The kids only seemed to relax once we were back behind the walls of the guesthouse. I have no idea what time it was since it is pitch black at 6 pm in Haiti and I felt like it was midnight, although I am sure it was only 7 or 8. I went back to my room to pack up my carry on bags and lay out my clothes for the next day, eager to leave? uh ya!

We sat upstairs for a little while longer and the guesthouse managers wife did Maddy's hair while she slept. We said our good nights and went off to our rooms. I couldn't sleep, so I talked to my sister and a few friends on Facebook for a while and then finally passed out. Wil had long since fallen asleep on the bed and looked ever so comfy sleeping on an actual mattress with a pillow to boot! I was scared of sleeping in on Saturday morning, can you imagine over sleeping and missing your flight out? I would die! R woke me up bright and early at 6:00 and I tried to make myself look presentable, didn't really work. I finished packing up my meager carry on bags, dressed Wil and brushed his teeth and headed downstairs. Our flight we thought was scheduled to leave at 9:25, we were trying to pin down the manger of the guesthouse to leave at 7am. For some reason he never believes you when you tell him what time you want to leave. I have done the Haiti airport now five times and this trip was the one I was dreading the most. The lines, the chaos, the disorganization would only be compounded by the presence of three small, scared, and tired little kids. I was trying not to picture the drama that was about to unfold. After a quick breakfast for the kids the manager came out all panicked telling us we had to go NOW! Really?....isn't that what we tried to get across to you 30 minutes ago?? We piled our stuff into the back of the white van and left. Now this vehicle was obviously the bomb, complete with doors, a roof, and even barely functioning AC!! Woohooo.....The ride to the airport was quick and uneventful. It dawned on me during that ride what was actually happening. As you drive down the streets you are made to see the poverty you are taking your child from. Little kids walking half dressed through the garbage, chickens and goats right along side them, people just sitting on folding chairs along the sides of the road, waiting...for nothing.

When you arrive at the airport there is always someone wanting to "help" you with your bags. Usually I just say no thanks and grab them myself, but this guy was extra aggressive and just took our bags. Best thing to happen!!! He took us right to the front of the first of many lines at the airport. We breezed through the first security check and into the semi cool airport. The line to get your boarding passes is always disgusting but not with our guy! Again, right to the front to the line! I was beginning to feel like Angelina! We got our boarding passes and moved on to the green ticket-collector-guy. Not sure what this guys actual job is..he just stands there as some kind of Haitian gate keeper and looks at your passport, which is what the next guy does too. This was the last stop for our airport friend, who then ended our so loving friendship as he asked us for the money. We gave him $20 each, which he was not too impressed with and said our farewells. After you see the ticket-collector-guy you head through the frosted sliding doors into what is usually a 3-ring circus. I was dreading the opening of those doors...but the room was empty! Woohoo...we cruised right through immigration. They scanned our passports, looked for the Visa's for the kids and that was it. No asking who we were, about the adoption or anything, just a stamp stamp and we were done! Breezed through the next two security checks and...done! We were now just waiting!

Our plane was leaving 30 minutes sooner than we thought so we were so happy we shelled out the money to our airport friend!The kids ran around like hoodlums and we sat and enjoyed the AC. Before long it was time to board the plane....

to be continued...

Part 3...

Seeing Wil again after 6 months was exactly the way I had thought it would be. He had no idea who I was, was not very interested in finding out, and was more intrigued with a bag of crackers than with me. Go figure. I knelt down to say hello and then backed off to give him his space. To him I was just another crazy white lady coming to visit the creche. It wasn't more than a few minutes before Marie, the director came out from her office to welcome me. Hugs and kisses. I sat and visited with C and R and their girls while we waited to leave for our appointment at the US embassy. C handed me an envelope. Inside was all of the adoption documents, the passport, and the Canadian Visa. Wow. After all these months of waiting this little envelope held all that I needed to get my son home. Well, almost everything. The US embassy was our final stop and essentially the last barrier to going home.

I found Marie in her office to let her know that we were going to be heading back to the guesthouse to catch our ride to the embassy. She was busy shuffling papers, yelling out instructions to various staff members, and waiting to see the small gathering of parents sitting outside the office, waiting and hoping to be able to leave their children at the O. There was one family sitting there with their 15 month old twin girls. Beautiful little babies. One was in Marie's office crying. Crying for her Mom. She and her sister were malnourished and Marie thought it best to take them right away without having a family already chosen. They needed food and medical care. It doesn't matter how many time you see it, watching a mother leave her child behind because she cannot feed them is heart breaking and reaffirms my opinion that adoption is not the answer to the problem....

It is getting close to 11, which is our appointment time so we head back to Walls and find our ride. Being Canadian we are anxious to be on time but being that we are in Haiti, being on time is not important. The embassy is about 10 minutes from the airport, and Walls is about 10 minutes from the airport so we figure it should take about 20 minutes to get there. I am not sure how long it actually took but it felt way longer than 20 minutes. Maybe it was the million degree heat or the 100% humidity, or the fact that we rode with three sweaty and scared kids in the back of a truck, or maybe because I was on hour 30 of no sleep, but for whatever reason it felt like a very long drive. We arrived at the embassy and after unsticking our thighs from the plastic seat we jumped out of the back of the truck. I should probably be more accurate in my description as that that one makes it seem like we jumped gracefully and athletically from the truck, when in actual fact we all kind of fell out while trying to not moon the ensuing crowd or drop our children.

The first thing you notice when you pull up the US embassy is the people. Throngs of people are just standing there. Some are offering to take pictures for you for what I am assuming are passports or visa applications. Others are selling water or pop, but for the most part they are just hanging out. They have no real reason to be there but heck, they have no real reason to be anywhere. When you approach the embassy you first need to go through a security area which is outside and covered with a tent. There are a couple uniformed guards that are actually working and again more people just sitting there. The guards didn't even question us as to why we were there, simply ushered us through. I am assuming the white skin played a pivotal role in that. You then walk down a paved path to the next office. We showed the guard our children's passports and Canadian Visas and explained why we were there. We were ushered through a metal detector and were asked to turn in any cameras, cell phones, video cameras, pagers, etc...You exit that office and find yourself in another courtyard, nicely landscaped and maintained. The first thing I noticed other than the water fountains (seriously, who is going to drink from those?)was the dozens of people sitting outside under a tented area, envelopes in hand, waiting for what I can assume are visa appointments. Waiting to get out....one more metal detector and we are brought to the front of the line and asked for all of our documents. The entire time we were there and for every different window we had to go to we were brought to the front of the line. It felt strange, to be bumped ahead of all of these people who had been waiting forever simply for the obvious reason, we were white and presumably American. The last window we were instructed to go to was manned by a young white kid, maybe in his early 20's. Not sure what he did to get this job! He asked us a few questions and after a few minutes told us that our Visas would be ready for pick up tomorrow after 10 am. Perfect. We picked up our cameras and phones and headed back out to the front of the embassy.

We borrowed the cell phone of one of the guards and called for our ride, which we were told was coming right away. They should have said "we will be there in Haitian time, so whenever we get around to it..." We parked ourselves under the tent at the front of the embassy. We were hot, sweaty, thirsty, and tired. The kids were either falling asleep, crying, or stunned. C and I sat on the ground with the kids, which seemed ok at first but then some other guard came out and told us in a pretty stern way, to get off the floor. I thought he was joking at first but evidently we needed to get up, not sure why. After another phone call, another vat of sweat, and some more baby tears, our ride arrived. This time we rode in the lap of luxury in the back of the blue caged truck. I felt like a prisoner, but at least there was less risk of flying out when we hit one of the one million potholes on the road.

To say what happened next would be pure speculation because I have no idea what we did. I know we sat, because that is the universal thing to do in Haiti. I know we talked and I know we didn't eat the dinner that was served....Olivia got her hair done and after dinner we went back to the orphanage to see Marie. It was Thursday night and we weren't leaving until Saturday morning but she was leaving the next morning to find a new house for the O and was leaving at 5 am. It was time to say our goodbyes. I didn't think it would be hard. I thought that the sheer relief of the adoption being over would outweigh the emotions of leaving. It was at that moment that I realized how much she really does love these kids. Marie hugged each of them and said something in creole and was trying hard to keep from crying, so was I at that point. I went into Marie's office and she was all teary and I felt awful. She assured me that the best part of her job was seeing these kids go home, to good families, with a new chance at life. But it was still hard.

Then it was over. In a matter of minutes we were walking back over to the guesthouse, taking these kids from everything they have ever known. Regardless of what kind of care they got, it was their normal. The nannies were their family and here we were taking them away.I can remember walking outside those metal clad gates of the orphanage and on to the street and looking at C, we both just kind of sighed. It was done. Over. They were ours.

to be continued....

Part 2...

I boarded the plane with dread, knowing that I was in for a long and squishy flight. The man in the window seat was already there dressed in a very fashionable black velour leisure suit. He reeked like cheap cologne but seemed normal. He said hello, put in his earplugs, and closed his eyes. Perfect. I was reading my magazine when Salami Man made his entrance. I knew right away that he was a big oaf. Most people when they sit down do exactly that....they sit. He got into his seat like he was scaling the pummel horse in Beijing. He sat down with such force the entire row shook. Just for you to get the entire visual, he was wearing a lovely silver metallic muscle shirt with matching shorts, his head was shaved bald, and he sported the ever original barbed wire tattoo around his upper arm. I could tell that he had spent a few hours leading up to the flight in the airport bar. The smell of alcohol permeated his clothes and oozed from his pores. I smiled politely and kept on reading...

As soon as we were in the air his boorish ways became apparent. He flagged down the flight attendant by waving his arm and whistling. Once he had her attention he ordered a beer, two tequilas, and a deli pack. The tequilas were short lived as he pounded them within a minute or two. Then he dug into his deli pack. Now remember I have just spent two days praying over the porcelain god and my stomach was still not 100%. I am not sure what was grosser, him or the deli pack. The deli pack consisted of crackers, salami, and Parmesan cheese spread, which he ate like a complete sloth, chewing with his mouth open and picking the remnants out of his teeth with his finger. He wasn't even half way through his pack when he whistled for two more tequilas and of course another beer. Tequila number one...pounded. Beer...chugged. Deli pack consumed. Deli pack number two ordered. This one was a lovely medley of crackers, cheese, and salmon salad...barf. I took my Gravol mainly to cause drowsiness and block out the horrors of Salami man....

Salami man was relentless in his quest to ingest every last bottle of tequila on the plane and equally as relentless in his goal of becoming a belligerent asshole. At one point he was sifting through his deli pack with his fat sausage like fingers and stumbled across a little packet containing a vitamin C tablet. One that was berry flavored and dissolved in water. No water? No problem for salami man...plop, plop, fizz, fizz, in went the vitamin C into his shot of tequila. What a baboon. At some point I must have fallen asleep because I awoke to the sound of him yelling at the flight crew. I guess he had wandered into the first class cabin and was trying to use their washroom. He was told by a very patient flight attendant that he would have to find his seat and use the washroom in the economy cabin of the plane. This obviously did not sit well with our drunk friend because he started yelling and swearing and essentially further confirming my suspicions that his IQ was that of a sponge. At one point he yelled out that his Uncle was the President of the airlines and that he was going to have the flight attendant fired. Uh ya right....your dear old Uncle is the president of the airline and you are sitting in economy. He didn't give up there. He made sure that once we landed he would call his Uncle and demand the termination of the flight crews jobs...what a complete knob. He "talked" to his Uncle all through concourse of the airport screaming things like "I want him fired!"...everyone within earshot just laughed.

I had an hour between flights and had to change terminals, so I high tailed it to American airlines and checked in, got my boarding pass, and again stood behind people in security who were not familiar with the routine. The plane was an hour late leaving so I had time to send a quick email to my friend C, who I was meeting in Haiti, grab a muffin, and watch the throngs of people gather at the gate. The flight into Haiti was uneventful. No one took their own seat, their was no room for any carry on baggage, and the flight crew looked less than thrilled about their destination.

The heat hit me before I had even exited the plane. It is a heat that if you have not been to Haiti, you cannot understand. Their is no grass or trees to absorb the suns rays, the concrete seems to magnify the heat in a way that I can't describe. The smell is another thing. I wish I could bottle it up and let people experience it. The combination of garbage, burning tires, and poverty is beyond what I can describe here. It is one of those smells that is etched into your nose forever. The Digicel band was playing as per usual, the Haitian midget was greeting you at the terminal door, and the nervous energy I always feel when landing in Pap was definitely there, maybe more so. Immigration was quick and easy. I don't think the officer even glanced up as she stamped my passport and little green ticket. Baggage claim was what it usually is...a complete gong show. Bags were piled feet in the air, people were arguing over which bag was theirs, porters were trying desperately to help, and so on....I waited until every bag was off the plane to find out what I had already assumed, that my bags were MIA.... I left the airport two bags lighter but at that point I didn't care. My appointment at the US embassy was only a couple hours away and I really wanted to make it myself and not have our director act on my behalf.

I spotted my ride quickly and the car was sent to pick me up. The ride from the airport to the guesthouse is quick, maybe 10 minutes. I think I could walk it myself now if I so wanted to try, which I didn't.The street kids were out by the dozen that day. Little boys coming to the window of the truck with their hands out begging for money. It's horrible. I was taken to my room at the guesthouse quickly, my room with no AC. I dropped my bags, grabbed my wallet and headed across the street to the O. The walk across the street was different this time. Maybe it was because this time I would take my son and never have to bring him back, maybe it was the excitement of seeing C and R, who knows, but it was definitely not the same as the times before. The metal clad gate was closed as usual and I slid it open to reveal the familiar sight of the orphanage courtyard and the sounds of the kids playing upstairs. A few steps away on the porch of the orphanage were C, R, their girls, and Wil....

to be continued...

Part One....

In exactly one week we will mark one year home with Wil. In the days leading up to our one year home anniversary I thought I would repost the sage of the trip to Haiti to pick him up. It's done in six parts which works out perfectly.

I literally raced to the airport. It was 12:00 and the plane was set to leave at 2:25, and with a 30 minute drive I was cutting it way closer than I liked. Phil dropped me off at the door, got me a cart, and after a quick good bye I was off...I go to the ticket counter and was soon told that my plane was an hour late leaving. Good I thought, I can relax. Wrong. This meant I would miss my connecting flight in Dallas and therefor miss my flight into Miami. The ticket lady typed frantically into her computer looking for a new route, what are they typing anyways? It looked like she was writing a dissertation. After several minutes and even more failed attempts at finding an alternative route she found one, not a great one, but one nonetheless. I was to fly to Seattle, then on to Miami. Which if you look at a map makes absolutely no sense. I went West from Calgary only to turn around and go East. The flight was not set to leave until 6pm and I could not check my bags until 4pm, some weird aviation rule.So I had three hours to kill. I decided that I should eat something, two days without food was starting to wear on me and I could feel my blood sugar hovering somewhere around zero, so what does anyone eat after spending two days in bed throwing up? Fries. Not sure why, maybe it's the salt but after I am sick my body craves fries. I couldn't stomach the idea of any type of meat but fries and a diet coke seemed to make feel just a little bit better.

After my culinary delight I walked around what I know consider the most boring airport on Earth. I came to the conclusion that the Calgary airport may be solely responsible for the fact that Americans think we live in igloos and hunt wild moose. I wish I took pictures but take my word for it, the Calgary airport is the sole cause. Everywhere you look there are life size replicas of bison, moose, and weird beaver looking creatures. There are ugly murals on the walls depicting Indians harpooning wild life or fields with grazing cattle. I can now see that if the Calgary airport is your point of entrance into Canada, your view will forever be skewed.

After three hours of looking at airport merchandise, running from wild bison, and playing on the Internet, it was time to check my bags and head to immigration and security. I was to take two different airlines on my journey to Port Au Prince, Alaskan to Miami and then American to PAP. I was assured my bags would be checked all the way through and to pick them up when i landed in PAP. Now if I was a writer this is where I would insert some creative foreshadowing, but since I am not a writer I will just say...that was to be the last time I ever saw those bags again. Then it was off to immigration. I am still not sure why but when you travel to the US from the Calgary airport you clear US customs here, in Canada. But when you come to Canada from the US you clear Canadian customs in Canada. I always mean to ask the customs guy but never do. They all seem miserable....and Officer Martinez was no exception...

Officer: Where you headin'?
Me: Haiti via Miami.
Officer: huh?
Me: Haiti...
Officer: huh?...Haiti?
Me: yes, Port Au Prince, Haiti.
Officer: (looking horrified) Why?
Me: We are adopting a baby and I am going to get him.
Officer: humph...was that easier than getting an Asian one?
Me: well, I am not familiar with the process of adopting a child from Asia but I can assure you that no international adoption is easy.
Officer: well you know what kind of people are in Haiti, dontcha?
Me: Haitians?
Officer: hmmm...where is your husband?
Me: at home with our other four children?
Officer: why isn't he going?
Me: uh, because he's at home with our four other children. (duh!)
Officer: he let you go alone?
Me: he didn't let me go alone, that's not how we do things. I chose to go alone.
Officer: humph...(handing me my passport) I hope you got all your shots.

What a complete dickhead.So I make my way to my gate after an eternity at security. I am still not sure why people wait in line and when they get to the front act like complete retards. I mean come on people. Get your freakin' laptops out, take your shoes off, get out your Ziploc of possible bomb making supplies and put them in the tray. It's not new! Even if you are new to the world of travel by air the 50 signs on the wall leading up to the security checkpoint had to have clued you in a bit! It's like those idiots you stand behind in line at McDonald's. They wait in line for 20 minutes only to get to the front of the line and then hum and haw over what to get! You had 2o minutes waiting with a giant neon menu in front of you!So now I have another hour to kill before I can board the plane. I peruse the magazine racks, grab a tea, and people watch. The time goes by quickly and we board the plane. I can tell very quickly that the big nerd I am seated next to is going to drive me crazy. He is on his cell phone when I get on the plane, talking far too loud. He is telling whoever is on the other line that he is sorry he will miss them at some lame function tonight but that he is travelling on business and promises to charm the pants off them when he gets back, uh ya, right....As soon as I sit down he starts talking to me. Telling me that he is on a business trip, like that is supposed to impress me.

Conversation with a nerd....
Nerd: Where are you going?
Me: (trying to avoid eye contact and further conversation) Haiti
Nerd: Cool. How come?
Me: I am picking up our son that we adopted.
Nerd: Wow. Powerful.
Me: hmmm...
Nerd: The wife and I are family planning right now.
Me: (totally grossed out by the visual of this man having sex) Nice.
Nerd: Never been to Haiti. I travel alot with business though. been all over the world in my old job.
Me: That's nice.
Nerd: Yup. I switched jobs, other one was too stressful. Now I'm a businessman.
Me: hmmm...
Nerd: Yup. I'm a businessman. I do business stuff, moving widgets around the world of business...
Me: (WTF??) That's great.
What a complete wacko. Who calls themselves a businessman? I mean seriously, did he get a bachelors degree in businessman? What a nerd. He was dying for me to ask about his "businessman status" but I didn't give him the satisfaction. The flight crew was equally as weird. The one flight attendant came over the PA to tell us that beverages were to be served once we reached our cruising altitude and then went on to list each and every one they offered. She also felt it necessary to give us the run down of every article in the in flight magazine. Just so you know, she was very impressed by the one on how you too can turn your backyard into a garden oasis.

We landed in Seattle and I had a an hour or so to kill before my next flight. This is the flight I was dreading the most. I looked at my ticket and realized I was in the middle seat, sandwiched between two strangers for 5.5 hours....enter Salami man....

to be continued...

MJ and other odds and ends....

So, it's no news that the "King of Pop" has died. What is news, or at least to me, is the massive out pouring of tears and the accolades of what an amazing man he was. Is it just me? Am I horribly cold hearted? But didn't anyone out there think he was a total whackjob? I mean let's look at this objectively. The guy lived in a theme park, went from being black to white, began to resemble Dianna Ross from the bazillion surgeries he claimed to not have had, he dangled babies from balconies in Germany, made his kids wear masks and fedora's when out in public, and was accused on more than one occasion of inappropriate contact with little boys....and this is who people are throwing themselves on the ground for in a puddle of tears?

Now don't get me wrong I grew up in the 80's. I wore a pleather black dress complete with silver mesh and a bright red zipper. I practiced my moon walk and spent hours gazing deeply into MJ's eye as I marveled at how manly he was to pose with that white tiger. I donned my silver glove on more than one occasion and had nightmares over the Thriller video....I am not denying that he was once an amazing entertainer but seriously, did anyone else not think he was messed up? Did death erase the fact that he was obviously in a perpetual state of being high, that he more than likely did more than just tuck those little boys into bed at night, and that he has most definitely messed those kids up? I mean naming that one child Blanket in itself will lead to years of therapy....

Another oddity of the hollywood world to me is Ryan Seacrest. Have you ever listened to his radio show? I hadn't until recently but the other day I tuned in and was baffled to hear that people actually call in asking him for advice on subjects ranging from infidelity to finances....Is this not odd to anyone? I mean seriously, it's Ryan Seacrest?? The other day I heard a woman call in about how to deal with the guilt she was feeling over cheating on her husband of 18 years with a family friends. This woman is sobbing and begging for advice...from the host of American Idol??

Last but not least is the Bachelorette, Gillian. I am going to be blunt...what the hell is wrong with this girl? Does she have allergies? a cocaine addiction? Why is she always congested? And why does she squeal like a sow every time she gets excited? And if I have to hear one more time about how "she is in her element" out in the snow, in the wilderness, etc...I am going to throw up. First of all you are from Vancouver, you don't get snow. Second, no one is in their element on a glacier...contrary to popular belief Canadians do not spend their afternoons making snow angels on glaciers. We just don't....And just to be fair...what is with the guys this year? You've got one who gets off on toe jam, another one who can't get an erection, and the grossest of all, a bonehead cowboy who can't sing worth crap.

I can't wait for next week!!!

Stressed

Lately I have been stressed. Wil has been extra challenging and the bond that began to take shape is being taxed to it's limit as of late. I am not sure why he is so difficult lately. Is it normal 3 year old behavior? Is it that he is just comfortable enough now to act like a dink? Is he trying to kill me? Lately Wil has been saying "No" to everything I say. Looking right at me when I ask him to not do something and deliberately doing the exact opposite. When he doesn't get his way he cries. When he doesn't get his way fast enough he cries. Take dinner the other night....Phil was at work and since my culinary skills hover somewhere around zero I made bagel sandwiches and soup. I put the sandwiches down and went back to get the soup. Since I only have two arms I only carried two bowls. I put the bowls down in front of Ty and Sam. When Wil saw that he didn't get soup he started yelling "my soup, my soup". I told him I would get it in a minute and he then proceeded to grab his place mat and whip it and the sandwich on the floor in retaliation to me not having three arms. I took him away from the table and put him in a time-out (yes, he was still in eye sight of me) After a few minutes in time-out he came back and ate like nothing was wrong, until I didn't fill his drink up fast enough and he then whipped the food on the floor again. Then what? What am I supposed to do with that? If that was one of my bio kids they would have simply gone to bed, no dinner, just good-night. Can I do that with him?



By the end of most days I find myself physically and emotionally drained. I am sure I am not the most pleasant person for my husband to come home to at night but by six or seven at night I am done. I was soooo excited to get away this weekend even if was only for a day.



Saturday night I went to Canmore with my sister and a couple girlfriends. It was wonderful to have 24 hours of kid free, tantrum free, housecleaning free time. We had dinner, drank some ridiculously gross martini's, talked until 4 am, strolled through the little town, had brunch...it was lovely.

We can vent about our kids, our husbands, our ups and downs and never once it is taken out of context. Never are you made to feel guilty for feeling the way you you feel. I am so grateful to have them.

The story of a table....

Kelsey wants a bedroom of color in our new house- red, yellow, green, orange, purple, and so on.... I thought I would try my hand at refinishing. I found this table on kijiji a week or so ago for $10.

Primed her up with a bit of Zinzer....

Then coated her in some bright red spray paint, compliments of your local Walmart.

I then scuffed her all up and rubbed on some Minwax stain....



Replaced the old wood knob with one that will match the hardware in the new house....done! All for the whopping price of $17.00! The best part is that if she gets bored with it I won't feel bad about replacing it.

My next project....

I bought this very old dresser for $75. I fell instantly in love with it's shape and the little keyholes in the drawers. Now to make her look pretty again!

Graduation Day!!

Today my Sammy "graduated" from preschool. Now, normally I don't like or agree with these pseudo graduations. In fact I tend to openly mock graduations from elementary school and junior high. I think it takes away from the real graduation day of high school or university, but this was just way too cute. Grace attended the same preschool and so I knew what to expect but the cuteness factor was not overshadowed by the fact that this was not my first one.

The kids were taken into one room and we were all seated in those way too small chairs and waited for their entrance. Their teacher, who is pretty much the sweetest person on Earth, brought them in all lined up. Each child had their name called and they walked under the little arbour all dressed in caps and gowns. They were given the certificate and a scrapbook of their time at preschool. The scrapbook blows me away. Each special day, theme day, field trip, etc was documented with pictures, stories, and more. It was beyond cute and the work that must have gone into making it blows me away.

Sam getting his certificate, not looking overly thrilled.

Still not so sure of all this...

Trying to ignore me...

A little smile!

Sam and Mommy....

Randomness

I am struggling to find material to blog about. It's not that life is slow or there is nothing going on it's more that I can't seem to find the time and/or the motivation to write anything down. Wil has been testing my patience something fierce lately and I am exhausted. The word "no" is his new staple and his ability to drive me crazy is heightened like crazy lately. I find myself ready for bed at around 8 pm and with four other kids to still deal with I am usually dragging my butt up to bed somewhere around midnight.

The weather has been hit or miss as of late. One day we are sweating like pigs on the back deck and then other days we are looking for warm sweaters to wear. It was only a week or so ago that it snowed. Yes, you rad that right. It freakin' snowed! My poor petunias were not impressed and even though I knew it was coming I forgot to cover them. Thankfully they are a pretty hardy annual and managed to survive.

The kids are in the final few days of school and then we have two months of no homework, no activities, and nowhere to be. I am thrilled....I love Summer! This Saturday a few girlfriends and I are headed out of town to spend the night away from kids and husbands! We are going for a nice dinner and then plan on drowning ourselves in margarita's until the wee hours of the morning.

I am becoming quite the frugal crafter as of late...more on that later.

Where does the time go?

I think time is moving at a very fast speed lately. One minute it's Monday with the week ahead to get everything done and the next minute it's Friday and nothing really got done at all. Our house is conditionally sold- the only condition being a home inspection which was done today. I am crossing my fingers that it is all done in the next day or so and I can cross "sell my house" off the ever growing to-do list. The new house is being insulated and the drywall has been dropped off. I will have to get off my butt and take some pictures for all to see.

Wil had his first visit at the Children's Hospital yesterday for his lazy eye. All seems fine with no patching or surgery needed. We are off to our family doc on Monday to determine why the sclera of his eyes has a yellowish hue to it. Hopefully it's nothing.

Today is the eve of my baby turning 16....16 years ago I was in early labor. I cannot get my head around the idea that she will be 16....16!!! and yes, I do remember what I was doing at 16, no need to remind me.

Busy, Busy, Busy...

I am not sure if I even sleep anymore. The house has been listed for about a week now and we have had about six showings. Keeping the house spotless, the laundry done, and clearing out for an hour every day is proving to be more difficult than I thought! I have always kept a pretty clean and uncluttered house but as soon as you put it on the market you see all the little things that you have never noticed before. I have touched up walls, repainted doors, closets, and mouldings, scoured showers to the point of pulling a muscle in my shoulder, and spent a small fortune on air fresheners and candles. Each and every time the realtor calls to tell us we have a showing I turn into a crazy woman, yelling at the kids, cursing the dust, and telling myself that I am going to move into a hotel until the house is sold. We cram the kids in one room in hopes of keeping the mess isolated while I run around cleaning the rest. We then pile into the car and try and find something to do for an hour while strangers tramp through my house and critique my decorating style. Sometimes we park at the other end of the street and watch them get out of their cars, trying to judge if they will be "the one's".

I am working my butt of trying to lose the last 10 dreaded pounds before our trip to Vegas in July. Wearing a bathing suit in front of your friends is always a strong motivating factor. We have booked the flights, hotel, and tickets to see Seinfeld in concert at Caesar's. I am pretty excited about seeing Jerry!!

The new house is a few days away from being drywalled and I am super excited to see it finally start to look like a house. I have pretty much forgotten what we actually selected in terms of interior finishes so it may not look anything like what I am picturing in my head.

Wil has been trying my patience something fierce the last couple weeks. Saying no to anything and everything I ask of him, deliberately disobeying, and being kinda jerky are his new strong suit. Little does he know I am much stronger willed than he is and I will not lose. The bottom stair may have an imprint of his bum soon from all the time-outs he has been having....

Two years ago...

This Mother's Day weekend marks two years of our first meeting with Wil in Haiti. Two years ago Phil and I arrived in Haiti, my second trip and his first, to meet a bunch of other adoptive parents and our kids. It's crazy to think that two years has already gone by. Many of those we met during that trip I have lost contact with. With their adoptions being complete they moved away from the world of adoption and back into the world of reality, the way it should be. When my adoption drew to a close I too felt the need to leave the adoption world and regain my footing in the land of reality. What an awesome feeling that was! Some of those we met that Mother's Day weekend are still waiting....


In two years life has changed immensely. I officially quit work, and have officially begun my courses to refresh my license to begin again. We bought a new house and are now entering the horrors of trying to sell this one. My kids have grown and become amazing little people, full of wit, charm, and an out-spoken nature that I am so proud of. But the most amazing of changes have been in the little man who was forever home last July. Since Wil arrived home he has gone from non-verbal to a babbling fool. He has gone from a skinny and despondent little man to a somewhat chubby, crazy preschooler.

The picture above is of our first meeting, Mother's Day weekend 2007.

I always knew that getting him home was going to be what got him better. He did not thrive in Haiti, he needed a home.

This is Wil now. A crazy, loud, smiley little three year old man.

To all those still waiting, I think of you often. I hope for your little men and women to come home soon.

Weekend in review...

This weekend was a good one. Friday night one of my bestest girlfriends was hosting one of those lame "home parties". She has an addiction to these things, this one was jewelry. I don't go for the products. I go for the food and for the opportunity to make fun of her new friends. Recently she moved out of the city to a smaller town about an hour East of here. She has met some real winners. People who say things like " I seen her" or "I ain't gonna..." It's a grammatical nightmare but man does it provide for hours of fun on the drive home! So four of us city gals packed into my beast and headed East. We followed the revolting smell of the feed lots and before you knew it, we were there! The food was good, the jewelry was surprisingly nice, and as suspected we had a grand time mocking the party guests on the way home.

Speaking of the way home....just as I was pulling into a neighbouring community to drop off one of my girlfriends we noticed a police car behind us. Didn't think much of it until it pulled into her cul de sac, put on it's lights and got out of the car. Hunky cop #1 informed me that he ran my plates and they appeared to show that I was driving an old stolen vehicle. Nice. I guess police run plates at 230 am of "suspicious" vehicles and my pimp mobile must fit the description of suspicious. I assured officer hunky that it was my car and handed over my license and insurance...and wasn't I thrilled to them find out that my registration was not in the car. The one thing that actually proved the car was mine was not there. I wanted to kill my husband, who by the way informed me the next morning that, oops, it was in his briefcase. I guess the hunkster and his equally hunky partner felt sorry for me and told me that were not overly suspicious of me, maybe the care full of drunk stay at home mom's and baby seats that did it, who knows, but he let me go with a warning. I avoided a $175 ticket for driving without registration...whew! My one girlfriend is convinced it was because she was showing extra cleavage in the backseat and another is convinced it's because the cop had a "cougar complex"...whatever it was I was glad to avoid the ticket. I was also happy to avoid jail when my one insane girlfriend asked if he needed a babysitter and could she give him a bath. I am serious.

Saturday I felt like dog crap and other than sitting in the backyard with the kids I did nothing. I have had the worst acid reflux for the past few days and it is soooo uncomfortable. I take Nexium every morning to help but even it's not doing the trick. I have cut out all pop, caffeine, spicy foods, etc but to no avail. I still have fire in my throat and chest. I have found a couple holistic methods online and am going to the heath food store today to try them out. If anyone has any suggestions I would love to hear about them....

Sunday was our day to get some more stuff done around the house before the sign hits the front lawn. We got the front lawn all cleaned up and ready for the annuals to be planted and I managed to re stain the arbour in the front to match the front door. A few more things and we are done!! The cutest part of the day was watching Ty take his two little brothers outside and play street hockey with them. Wil and Sam were in their glory to have so much attention from their big bro and hearing a three year old and a four year old yell "scores!!!" was way too cute...

Well I am off to find a cure for my fire.

Pigs and Poop

This morning was our appointment with our family doctor to discuss my favorite topic-Wil's poop. We are unsure if he still has giardia or not so we are doing yet another stool sample. Our concern now is that there may be something structurally wrong with his lower bowels. I won't get into too many details since it is breakfast time and I dont want anyone to vomit, but lets just say I have never seen poop quite like Wil's.

We also have an appointment in a couple weeks with an opthamologist to look at Wil's wonky eye, yes that is my medical terminology. The technical term is strabismus, but I prefer wonky. Poor kid wakes up and his eyes are all goofy, looks like he could be a spy for the CIA and see around corners without moving.

In other news I am thrilled to say that I am obsessed with the Swine Flu...I sit at home with the remote in one hand a can of Lysol in the other, watching Anderson Cooper and Sajay Gupta. I sanitize my kids when they come home from school, making them strip down to their ginch in the mudroom and then dousing them with hand sanitizer. I am thinking of installing some kind of Purell misting system in the garage for when they get home or possibly a dunk tank full of Javex. I am sure this will prove bad for their skin but right now their skin is of very little concern to me. I am more concerned with them starting to oink or sprout curly tails.

My guilty pleasure....

I secretly love sleeping with my kids...I will complain about it once in awhile when I find myself crippled in the morning from sleeping on three square inches of mattress while balancing myself with one foot on the floor. Then I complain....

But secretly, I love having my little ones in my bed. In fact if I am being brutally honest I would rather snuggle a four year old than my husband who incessantly feels the need to grope me in his sleep. My four year old just likes to cuddle-no strings attached.

All of my kids have spent countless nights in our bed. I realized very early on that if you want to get any sleep with a newborn you need to sleep with them. Getting up over and over, sitting in the rocking chair for countless hours blows. Grabbing the baby and throwing a boob in their mouth is a far better use of my time. Once the boob was no longer needed the desire to cuddle my kids in bed did not. I am pretty sure that every expert in the area of child rearing would tell me that I am emotionally crippling my kids. That my need to cuddle them in my bed is surely going to lead to a insomniac psychopath in the future, I beg to differ....All of my kids appear relatively normal and they have all slept with me. They are all capable of going to bed on their own now. None feel the need to crawl in bed with us once they get past the age of about five. And from my perspective none are emotionally stunted or suffering from a Oedipus complex of sorts.

I remember watching Dr.Phil one day and listened to him chastise some poor young mother over the irreversible damage she was doing by allowing her toddler son to sleep with them. He ranted and raved in the way only Dr.Phil can do. You know how he does it-trying to come across as a commoner like the rest of us while all the time making you feel like an uneducated idiot. He went on and on about the reason parents sleep with their kids is to atone for the sins of the day, to make them feel they have spent enough time wit them when in fact the time they did spend was crappy at best. I thought about this for quite a long time, wondering if my love of sleeping in bed with my kids when they are small was a way to make me feel like a better parent. I have to say that his theory, like him, is full of crap, for me at least. I just like it. I love the way they smell, the way they feel so secure all tucked in with us and the best "talks" come at bedtime.


Sam is currently the third wheel in our king size bed. He goes to bed by himself in his own bed but some time in the wee hours of the night or the early hours of the morning he finds his way to our room. He knows the routine well, never attempting to get in on Dad's side, always quiet and always finding his way to lodging his head in my armpit. As I lay on my side in bed it occurred to me that where he sleeps-head in my armpit and bent knees resting on mine, that we fit together perfectly.

New found health?

Since my friend M asked why the found health, I will share. I am most certainly not a health nut and quite honestly don't ever think I could be. I like the bad stuff way too much. Things like chocolate, McDonald's fries, and licorice are likely to be found in my veins. I decided to give up red meat and pork about four or five months ago. I had read tons of literature about increased risks of colon cancer, heart disease, etc and decided that I didn't like red meat enough to put myself at a higher risk for these diseases. I threw pork in as well for good measure. For the past several months I have stuck to chicken, turkey, and fish and like I thought, haven't missed the red stuff at all. Recently I read a book called "Skinny Bitch". I didn't buy the book but picked it up one day after it was left at my house by a friend. Once I started it I couldn't put it down. The descriptions of the inhumane treatment of animals made me want to cry and the list of crap that goes into our meat made me want to throw up. I vowed from that moment on that I was officially done with meat. I suggest everyone read it...it is graphic and horrible but like the author states in the book "if the animals have to endure it, the least we can do is read it".

As for my beloved diet coke...that decision was made for me by the horrible acid reflux I was having. It didn't take long to note the connection between the DC and the excruciating pain in my chest and gut. I figured my body was smart and that it was letting me know I was doing damage to it, one beautiful silver tin at a time-so I quit. Cold turkey. Not good. My head felt like it was going to explode and I was a moody bitch for several days, but now I am feeling better.

A few months ago it dawned on me that I did things in my life that were not exactly conducive to good health. I don't mean anything weird and crazy, but my diet was not so good. I don't drink often and I have never smoked. I don't jump out of airplanes or off bridges for sport, but I did eat a lot of crap. I realized that I had five kids, yes that just dawned on me recently, and I knew that it was my responsibility to be around for them as long as possible. And while I know that a lot of that is out of my control I do also know that much of it is within my control.

So there you have it. I will not be giving up my chocolate and I will most certainly not be eating sprouted grain bread or feeding my kids almond milk, but I will be slowly whittling away my bad habits to get healthy and stay healthy.

Random points

* We are headed back to the doctor on Thursday to figure out what to do about Wil and his nasty poops. It has been nine and a half months of grossness and this mom is done! Many have suggested Alinia as a med to try to combat the grossness. I was going to suggest it to my doc this week but after some online research I came to find out that even though the drug is made and manufactured in Canada, it is not available for prescription here. Makes sense, right?

* We also need to find some kind of cream/lotion that will combat the dry skin. Poor guy's skin will get so dry that he scratch it until it bleeds. I am pretty sure we have tried everything on the market but any and all suggestions are welcome.

* The new house is coming along nicely. We now have windows, plumbing, shingles, and most of the heating done. I am hoping they don't move too quickly as we still have to get this house on the market. Although now my husband is suggesting we hold on to it for a while and rent it out. The thought of being landlord is enough to make me ill, so here's to hoping he changes his mind on that one.

* It snowed here again this week and I am crossing my fingers that we are officially done with Winter now. Although it has snowed here in almost every month of the year. I am not kidding. I can remember being a teenager at a party and coming outside to find snow coming down-in August! Why I live here is a mystery to me....

* I have officially become a vegetarian. No more meat....I am still on the fence with fish and whether or not it will be considered meat or not....I really like fish...I just read the book "Skinny Bitch" and I dare any of you to read it and then continue eating meat. Seriously.

* I am now well into my detox of my beloved diet coke. It has been at least three weeks since the nectar of the gods has passed my lips. The headaches that felt like a vice on my head have lessened but I still crave it like crazy!

Since I am being honest...

I feel so free after confessing some of my mommy sins. I also had to laugh when so many others felt the same way! When I hit the "publish post" button I almost deleted the post. I wondered if some would think poorly of me, would judge me, and then wondered why I cared. I have read back on some old posts and realized that I too was falling into the trap of the blogospehere-trying to make myself look or sound better than I really am. It made me ill. The thought of joining the ranks of those I abhor so much made me realize that if this blog was going to continue it had to do so with complete authenticity. I had to be authentic. And not in a warped, Oprah-induced "authentic self" kinda way. In a real me, a few bad words, say it like it is, kinda way....so from now on that is my goal. I will not even try to keep up with the handmade clothing, granola toting, mom jean wearing kind.

Confessions of a stay at home mom....

So often I read blogs in which the author spends the majority of the time patting themselves on the back for being the amazing parent they are, or at least that is what they want us to believe. These posts are laced with subtle hints of superiority and a dash of passive aggressiveness. I, on the other hand know full well that on certain days my parenting skills suck and the following are just a few confessions of this stay at home home...



I don't like to volunteer at the kids school. I know that sounds horrible but I despise it. Your job as a classroom volunteer is to be the teacher's bitch. In fact, I think the term "classroom volunteer" should be officially replaced with "teachers bitch". Why the heck would I want to get out of bed, put on make-up, and do may hair only to spend three hours photocopying, stapling, and listening to illiterate children read? And am I the only one who thinks schools stink? They all smell the same, a combination of white glue, sawdust, and farts.

I take my kids to the park so I can pretend to be a good parent when in fact I am there to ignore them, facebook from Blackberry, and get a tan. I don't play on the equipment and I don't play rousing games of tag. Going to the park is an experienced parents tool of acceptable neglect.

I steal from my kids. I take their candy at Halloween, Easter, and Christmas. When they were small and Great Aunt Dorothy sent them some Birthday cash, it went in my pocket. I rationalize this with the fact that a) they are too young to notice and b) I am footing the bill for the party so I am just recouping some of my losses.

I will blame any small and non-verbal child in the room if I should happen to pass gas. They cannot argue and I avoid unnecessary embarrassment.

I do my kids homework. I am not talking about day to day homework. I am referring to the big, ridiculous projects kids are given. Projects that are way past their abilities and attention spans. Any teacher that gives an eight year old a project on the Gross Domestic Products of Asia is asking for Mom to do it.

There are times I make my day seem far more hectic than it really was just to make my husband feel bad and tell me to go sit on the couch for the rest of the night. I figure my harried and crazy days are worse than his and mine usually involve poop which in itself is worth a night of doing nothing and sitting on the couch.

So now.....what are some of your mom confessions?