Part One....

In exactly one week we will mark one year home with Wil. In the days leading up to our one year home anniversary I thought I would repost the sage of the trip to Haiti to pick him up. It's done in six parts which works out perfectly.

I literally raced to the airport. It was 12:00 and the plane was set to leave at 2:25, and with a 30 minute drive I was cutting it way closer than I liked. Phil dropped me off at the door, got me a cart, and after a quick good bye I was off...I go to the ticket counter and was soon told that my plane was an hour late leaving. Good I thought, I can relax. Wrong. This meant I would miss my connecting flight in Dallas and therefor miss my flight into Miami. The ticket lady typed frantically into her computer looking for a new route, what are they typing anyways? It looked like she was writing a dissertation. After several minutes and even more failed attempts at finding an alternative route she found one, not a great one, but one nonetheless. I was to fly to Seattle, then on to Miami. Which if you look at a map makes absolutely no sense. I went West from Calgary only to turn around and go East. The flight was not set to leave until 6pm and I could not check my bags until 4pm, some weird aviation rule.So I had three hours to kill. I decided that I should eat something, two days without food was starting to wear on me and I could feel my blood sugar hovering somewhere around zero, so what does anyone eat after spending two days in bed throwing up? Fries. Not sure why, maybe it's the salt but after I am sick my body craves fries. I couldn't stomach the idea of any type of meat but fries and a diet coke seemed to make feel just a little bit better.

After my culinary delight I walked around what I know consider the most boring airport on Earth. I came to the conclusion that the Calgary airport may be solely responsible for the fact that Americans think we live in igloos and hunt wild moose. I wish I took pictures but take my word for it, the Calgary airport is the sole cause. Everywhere you look there are life size replicas of bison, moose, and weird beaver looking creatures. There are ugly murals on the walls depicting Indians harpooning wild life or fields with grazing cattle. I can now see that if the Calgary airport is your point of entrance into Canada, your view will forever be skewed.

After three hours of looking at airport merchandise, running from wild bison, and playing on the Internet, it was time to check my bags and head to immigration and security. I was to take two different airlines on my journey to Port Au Prince, Alaskan to Miami and then American to PAP. I was assured my bags would be checked all the way through and to pick them up when i landed in PAP. Now if I was a writer this is where I would insert some creative foreshadowing, but since I am not a writer I will just say...that was to be the last time I ever saw those bags again. Then it was off to immigration. I am still not sure why but when you travel to the US from the Calgary airport you clear US customs here, in Canada. But when you come to Canada from the US you clear Canadian customs in Canada. I always mean to ask the customs guy but never do. They all seem miserable....and Officer Martinez was no exception...

Officer: Where you headin'?
Me: Haiti via Miami.
Officer: huh?
Me: Haiti...
Officer: huh?...Haiti?
Me: yes, Port Au Prince, Haiti.
Officer: (looking horrified) Why?
Me: We are adopting a baby and I am going to get him.
Officer: humph...was that easier than getting an Asian one?
Me: well, I am not familiar with the process of adopting a child from Asia but I can assure you that no international adoption is easy.
Officer: well you know what kind of people are in Haiti, dontcha?
Me: Haitians?
Officer: hmmm...where is your husband?
Me: at home with our other four children?
Officer: why isn't he going?
Me: uh, because he's at home with our four other children. (duh!)
Officer: he let you go alone?
Me: he didn't let me go alone, that's not how we do things. I chose to go alone.
Officer: humph...(handing me my passport) I hope you got all your shots.

What a complete dickhead.So I make my way to my gate after an eternity at security. I am still not sure why people wait in line and when they get to the front act like complete retards. I mean come on people. Get your freakin' laptops out, take your shoes off, get out your Ziploc of possible bomb making supplies and put them in the tray. It's not new! Even if you are new to the world of travel by air the 50 signs on the wall leading up to the security checkpoint had to have clued you in a bit! It's like those idiots you stand behind in line at McDonald's. They wait in line for 20 minutes only to get to the front of the line and then hum and haw over what to get! You had 2o minutes waiting with a giant neon menu in front of you!So now I have another hour to kill before I can board the plane. I peruse the magazine racks, grab a tea, and people watch. The time goes by quickly and we board the plane. I can tell very quickly that the big nerd I am seated next to is going to drive me crazy. He is on his cell phone when I get on the plane, talking far too loud. He is telling whoever is on the other line that he is sorry he will miss them at some lame function tonight but that he is travelling on business and promises to charm the pants off them when he gets back, uh ya, right....As soon as I sit down he starts talking to me. Telling me that he is on a business trip, like that is supposed to impress me.

Conversation with a nerd....
Nerd: Where are you going?
Me: (trying to avoid eye contact and further conversation) Haiti
Nerd: Cool. How come?
Me: I am picking up our son that we adopted.
Nerd: Wow. Powerful.
Me: hmmm...
Nerd: The wife and I are family planning right now.
Me: (totally grossed out by the visual of this man having sex) Nice.
Nerd: Never been to Haiti. I travel alot with business though. been all over the world in my old job.
Me: That's nice.
Nerd: Yup. I switched jobs, other one was too stressful. Now I'm a businessman.
Me: hmmm...
Nerd: Yup. I'm a businessman. I do business stuff, moving widgets around the world of business...
Me: (WTF??) That's great.
What a complete wacko. Who calls themselves a businessman? I mean seriously, did he get a bachelors degree in businessman? What a nerd. He was dying for me to ask about his "businessman status" but I didn't give him the satisfaction. The flight crew was equally as weird. The one flight attendant came over the PA to tell us that beverages were to be served once we reached our cruising altitude and then went on to list each and every one they offered. She also felt it necessary to give us the run down of every article in the in flight magazine. Just so you know, she was very impressed by the one on how you too can turn your backyard into a garden oasis.

We landed in Seattle and I had a an hour or so to kill before my next flight. This is the flight I was dreading the most. I looked at my ticket and realized I was in the middle seat, sandwiched between two strangers for 5.5 hours....enter Salami man....

to be continued...