My PSA after a day of shopping....

I am not a fashion maven. In fact I only get as fashionable as Banana Republic will let me, but I do have some insight into what is not ok to wear when out.

1. Track suits and Up-do's- If you feel inclined to clad yourself from head to toe in parachute material that is your prerogative but to do so with an up-do is wrong. A track suit denotes a pony tail at best. A backcombed french twist complete with rhinestone barrettes is not a look you want to flaunt. As well, if you choose to dress like a hot air balloon you should probably do so without the diamond earrings and over the top french manicure.

2. Boner pants- I know we have discussed this before I would like to take the time to reiterate the importance of not wearing boner pants while out in public. I am willing to go even further and say that boner pants in the privacy of your own home should also be outlawed. The last thing any man needs is to brush by the sales rack in the wrong way and declare his satisfaction to the rest of the shoppers.

3. Tapered jeans- Another favorite of mine is the need of people, especially women to sport the tapered jean. I am going to tell you right now you don't look good in them. I don't care if your husband says you do, you don't. Those who wear the tapered jean also like the look of the too short tapered jean. I guess it really completes the look? I am here to tell you if you can see your ankle bone when you look down, your pants are too short. Take them off, throw them away and back away from the trash.

4. Thongs and low rise pants- I am not sure what more I need to say about this one. If you are wearing a low rise jean then you need to either be selective in your choice of ginch or don't bend over, especially right in front of me in the food court. Even more especially when you have zits on your hairy ass. I could not finish my sandwich today because of you.

5. Displaying the family jewels- I am not sure if there is anything more disgusting than a man in tight jeans showing off his package. We all know you have a penis, we don't want to see the outline of it. I am not sure if this is a white trash mating call or what but I will say it is gross.

6. Bras- I thought this one was a no brainer but now stand corrected. Let me shed some light on this one for those of you who are in need. You need to wear a bra. Period. A little tip that I am offering is that if your boobs are swinging back and forth while you walk, your bra sucks. If you wear a button down blouse that is two sizes too small and gaping at ever button hole, you need to wear a bra because I saw your boobs today and it wasn't good. Not good at all.

7. Denim- I enjoy denim, who doesn't? But.... denim is a one article of clothing kinda deal. You cannot wear a denim jacket, a pair of jeans, and a button down denim shirt. It doesn't look good. Adding those rockin' Nike's circa 1997, does not complete the outfit and doesn't make it better.

8. The Wife Beater- If you know of anyone who wears the 'beater I suggest you cut all ties to them. Immediately. It is only a matter of time before they accessorize with a beer hat and introduce you to their girlfriend-cousin Sheila....

9. Free Clothing w/Purchase- I want to let all of you know that your local liquor store is not a clothing store. If you buy a 12-pack and it comes with a really cool t-shirt you need to dispose of it.

10. Animals and Clothing- Regardless of how much you love your weimaraner you should not wear his face on your shirt. People who wear animal motifs on their body are not normal.