Well, Kelsey is 15 now closer and for the most part is a good kid. To this point there has been about 3 or 4 parties this school year that she has gone to in which I know alcohol is available. Parents are usually home but I am not sure that reassures me much since they letting underage kids drink in their house....doesn't exactly lend itself to responsible parenting in my opinion.
Before I had a teenager in the house I was adamant that I was not going to provide them with drinks or be OK with it, after all laws are made for a reason and at the age of 15 or 16 you are simply not mature enough to handle drinking and the decisions that accompany it. After a while I realized that all my ranting and raving about laws and underage drinking were simply making the idea more and more tempting and we all know what teens do when they are told not to do something!
A while ago she and her friends got vodka from another parents house and between the three of them drank the entire bottle, in about 45 min, needless to say she did not fair well. She had enough sense to call us and ask us to come and get her, which we did. I was very torn as to what I was supposed to do next, she made a bad decision but then chose to not make it worse and called home. After a lot of thought we decided to ground her but to also explain how proud we were that she made some good decisions as well. Since then I have had a change of heart.
Now when she is going to a party we allow her to take a couple coolers with her and and have since had no issue, in fact on more than one occasion she brought them home without drinking them. It seems that making the act less taboo has taken away some of the excitement and has lent itself to her not really being that interested in it. We also insist that we are the ones to both drive and pick her up from all parties and no sleep overs at other friends post party, which makes her far more accountable since she knows she is coming home at the end of the night.
We drink in our house, not til the point of a lot but we are known to have people over and have a few drinks. We don't make it a big deal, all of our friends have a designated driver, and no one acts irresponsibly. If one of the older kids asks for a sip, I give it to them, Ty asked for a cooler one night and I gave it to him, he took three sips, told me it was gross and threw it out. I truly believe that by taking the mystery out of it they are less likely to over do it later.
I have the same way of thinking when it comes to sex. While the triple locked chastity belt sounds intriguing I realize they will probably hire a locksmith before their wedding night and have that bad boy removed. I have sat with Kels for a long time and talked about birth control, what is effective and what is not, where to get it, etc...I have made it very clear to her that when she decides to have sex I want her safe and if that means driving her to the doctor myself to get it I will. I am crossing every possible appendage that day is still far off....
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Some years ago, the worst thing that could happen to you was to be pregnant out of marriage. GASP Nowadays, there are a multitude of diseases, both curable and non-curable that can become your new, life-long friend. We have already started telling our kids that while it would be ideal to wait till marriage to have sex, we also realize that is probably not going to happen that way.
I want both of my kids to be safe about sex. I want them to know the ramifications and responsibilities that come with that grown-up decision. Marc wants to show them gross pictures of sores, blisers, and warts to make them not want to have sex, but we also want to tell them how to be safe.
I refuse to put my head in the sand and delude myself into believing that my kids won't have sex until marriage. HEllO, don't we all remember our fun college days?? It is better to recognize the probability than to ignore the issue. I most certainly want my kids to be smart about sex and choose methods that 'help' protect their health and prevent an unplanned pregnancy. If that means my husband or I take them to a doctor, so be it. They need to be informed and educated. I seriously think that Marc may have some very sleep deprived nights when our kids are older and dating from doing surveillance and following them around covertly.
You are a very aware and "cool" mama. Most of my teens would do well to have a parent who parents but also "gets it". Kels will be fine, I think :)
I agree with everyone on the sex thing. Best to be very open about that one. My husband reps a genital herpes drug and he intends to show the herpes educational slideshow prior to every date. But the stories he comes home with after sitting in Urology and OB-Gyn offices all day--herpes outbreaks in middle schools, BJ school bus parties, etc., makes me realize how important it is to be aware at everything out there.
I have mixed feeling with the drinking parties, for safety issues. Looking back at my teens and early 20s, I shudder to see how easily I could have been sexually assaulted or put in serious danger, on more than one occasion. I agree that if you can take the taboo out of drinking, it can help, but it is awfully glamorized in the younger set. It's a tough thing to figure out.
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