Confessions of a stay at home mom....

So often I read blogs in which the author spends the majority of the time patting themselves on the back for being the amazing parent they are, or at least that is what they want us to believe. These posts are laced with subtle hints of superiority and a dash of passive aggressiveness. I, on the other hand know full well that on certain days my parenting skills suck and the following are just a few confessions of this stay at home home...



I don't like to volunteer at the kids school. I know that sounds horrible but I despise it. Your job as a classroom volunteer is to be the teacher's bitch. In fact, I think the term "classroom volunteer" should be officially replaced with "teachers bitch". Why the heck would I want to get out of bed, put on make-up, and do may hair only to spend three hours photocopying, stapling, and listening to illiterate children read? And am I the only one who thinks schools stink? They all smell the same, a combination of white glue, sawdust, and farts.

I take my kids to the park so I can pretend to be a good parent when in fact I am there to ignore them, facebook from Blackberry, and get a tan. I don't play on the equipment and I don't play rousing games of tag. Going to the park is an experienced parents tool of acceptable neglect.

I steal from my kids. I take their candy at Halloween, Easter, and Christmas. When they were small and Great Aunt Dorothy sent them some Birthday cash, it went in my pocket. I rationalize this with the fact that a) they are too young to notice and b) I am footing the bill for the party so I am just recouping some of my losses.

I will blame any small and non-verbal child in the room if I should happen to pass gas. They cannot argue and I avoid unnecessary embarrassment.

I do my kids homework. I am not talking about day to day homework. I am referring to the big, ridiculous projects kids are given. Projects that are way past their abilities and attention spans. Any teacher that gives an eight year old a project on the Gross Domestic Products of Asia is asking for Mom to do it.

There are times I make my day seem far more hectic than it really was just to make my husband feel bad and tell me to go sit on the couch for the rest of the night. I figure my harried and crazy days are worse than his and mine usually involve poop which in itself is worth a night of doing nothing and sitting on the couch.

So now.....what are some of your mom confessions?