My PSA after a day of shopping....

I am not a fashion maven. In fact I only get as fashionable as Banana Republic will let me, but I do have some insight into what is not ok to wear when out.

1. Track suits and Up-do's- If you feel inclined to clad yourself from head to toe in parachute material that is your prerogative but to do so with an up-do is wrong. A track suit denotes a pony tail at best. A backcombed french twist complete with rhinestone barrettes is not a look you want to flaunt. As well, if you choose to dress like a hot air balloon you should probably do so without the diamond earrings and over the top french manicure.

2. Boner pants- I know we have discussed this before I would like to take the time to reiterate the importance of not wearing boner pants while out in public. I am willing to go even further and say that boner pants in the privacy of your own home should also be outlawed. The last thing any man needs is to brush by the sales rack in the wrong way and declare his satisfaction to the rest of the shoppers.

3. Tapered jeans- Another favorite of mine is the need of people, especially women to sport the tapered jean. I am going to tell you right now you don't look good in them. I don't care if your husband says you do, you don't. Those who wear the tapered jean also like the look of the too short tapered jean. I guess it really completes the look? I am here to tell you if you can see your ankle bone when you look down, your pants are too short. Take them off, throw them away and back away from the trash.

4. Thongs and low rise pants- I am not sure what more I need to say about this one. If you are wearing a low rise jean then you need to either be selective in your choice of ginch or don't bend over, especially right in front of me in the food court. Even more especially when you have zits on your hairy ass. I could not finish my sandwich today because of you.

5. Displaying the family jewels- I am not sure if there is anything more disgusting than a man in tight jeans showing off his package. We all know you have a penis, we don't want to see the outline of it. I am not sure if this is a white trash mating call or what but I will say it is gross.

6. Bras- I thought this one was a no brainer but now stand corrected. Let me shed some light on this one for those of you who are in need. You need to wear a bra. Period. A little tip that I am offering is that if your boobs are swinging back and forth while you walk, your bra sucks. If you wear a button down blouse that is two sizes too small and gaping at ever button hole, you need to wear a bra because I saw your boobs today and it wasn't good. Not good at all.

7. Denim- I enjoy denim, who doesn't? But.... denim is a one article of clothing kinda deal. You cannot wear a denim jacket, a pair of jeans, and a button down denim shirt. It doesn't look good. Adding those rockin' Nike's circa 1997, does not complete the outfit and doesn't make it better.

8. The Wife Beater- If you know of anyone who wears the 'beater I suggest you cut all ties to them. Immediately. It is only a matter of time before they accessorize with a beer hat and introduce you to their girlfriend-cousin Sheila....

9. Free Clothing w/Purchase- I want to let all of you know that your local liquor store is not a clothing store. If you buy a 12-pack and it comes with a really cool t-shirt you need to dispose of it.

10. Animals and Clothing- Regardless of how much you love your weimaraner you should not wear his face on your shirt. People who wear animal motifs on their body are not normal.

The Bachelor

Last night in the most dramatic fashion our dear Jason sent four girls packing...

The one on one date was with Molly who to me looks like a pug. They had the excitement of staying at his place, eating crappy fast food, and then shagging in the tent in the backyard. They so got busy. Did you hear the weird noises coming from the tent when they went to commercial.

I am kinda indifferent about the pug, as she seems sweet but not that bright I do feel a bit sorry for her. I think she will last another week and then she is outta there.

Then came the two on one date with Stephanie a.k.a "the man" and Niki a.k.a "burns". I am not sure if I have ever seen anything that awkward in a long time unless you count the attempt at Niki and Jason kissing last week which was more than just comical. They had some weird ball dancing lesson, ate some dinner and then Jason had to choose between the two. Burns was sent packing which is no surprise considering she for sure has OCD and more than likely more body hair than he does. Jason decided to keep Stephanie which I am assuming was only to see if she really does pee standing up. Did anyone else notice how sweaty they all looked? Maybe the threee of them had a tent set up too?!

Then they had some lame date on the set of General Hospital, which proved to just be a giant make out session. Is it me or does this guy kiss everyone? I would sure hate to be last in line on any given day...blech. And did you see the pig Megan go in for the kill? She looked to be searching his larynx with her tongue for lost treasure, very becoming of a lady.

No one vomited this week at the rose ceremony but it was not without bodily fluids since every freakin' girl was crying about something or other. At the end of the night Jason in typical Bachelor drama could not bring himself to give out the final rose. So Shannon, the buck toothed psychopathic hygienist went home along with bitchy Lauren, and slimy Megan.

Oh and Lisa, Dee-Ah-Na has not yet resurfaced....i am sure when she does it will simply be .....THE MOST DRAMATIC ROSE CEREMONY IN BACHELOR HISTORY!!!

A few more....

Blame Sarah...

For those of you that do not want to here about cabinets, floors, paint, and more, I suggest you skip over this one. The rest of you can blame my wonderful friend Sarah for the following....

Ok, I am thinking hardwood is the way to go. I went to the kitchen place today to preview the choices before our appointment next week. In part to help provide some clarity to myself and in part to spare the poor sales person from my incoherent rambling and indecisiveness. I was on a hunt for nice wood cabinets, not super dark and not maple, which is what we have now. It was not a simple task. I picked a few and got some samples to come home with. I think I hate them all. One is too dark, one is too weird, and the other isn't even wood color, it's cream. I hate kitchen cupboards now.

I have decided to try and choose something less stressful and have moved from stain color to cabinet style.

These are a few that I like. The top piece is the drawer fronts and the bottom is the cupboard. The one that has a flat drawer piece can be altered to have a matching raised drawer front if we want....These are just done in a natural finsih and I will pick the finish after. The ceilings are nine feet in the kitchen and the cabinets will go right to the ceiling. They will be normal cupboards and then the top will be glass fron smaller cabinets. I need to decide on which glass fronts I like as well.....

Trivial Post

I am working on something more significant but as of right now this is my burning issue...

Hardwood Vs. Ceramic Tile

As of next week we have to start making the choices for our new house and as shallow and trivial as it may sound, I am actually losing sleep over what to pick. Yes, I am fully aware people are starving, and the world is an unjust and nasty place, but humor me....

Here is the issue. I love wood floors. I love the way they look, feel, etc. They are lovely and warm and make a house look homey. They don't make my back ache when I stand on them, they are definitely more "me". The down side is with five kids, a messy husband, and a cat, they get scratched and dented and need more maintenance. They show dirt more and I have to sweep at least three times a day (after each meal) and mop at least 1-2 times per week.

The tile option is nice because they are essentially indestructible, require little maintenance, and even if you were to run across them in shoes I would not have a complete meltdown. Sadly, they aren't as pretty and I think they feel kind of cold. So what do I do?

Another thing to add to my quandary is that the floor will also determine my cupboard selection. If I go with wood I will be more likely to go with a cream colored cabinet. I think that wood floors and wood cabinets may be too much? and want to avoid Woodfest 2009. If I go with tile though I would be more likely to pick wood cabinets... For the record, I like both. I do think though that the cream color would be a bitch to keep clean with five kids, and a messy husband.

So if it were you, what would you pick? The appliances are stainless steel if that helps and the wall color is a taupe-sand color. The baseboards and window/door casings are cream colored and the granite is probably going to be light, maybe cream with a bit of brown/gold color in it.

Bullet Post

I have very little time as of late to write much of anything here but I will give it a try...

* Sam is sick. This may not sound like a big deal but let me tell you when that blue eyed, blond haired baby is sick-WATCH OUT! The kid becomes what we affectionately call Little Stalin. To say he is miserable and grouchy would be a gross understatement, what would be more accurate would be to say he is a cantankerous dictator. We went to the doctor last night and he is now on antibiotics to clear up what we are assuming is a nasty chest infection.

* Today we start the arduous and stressful process of picking out all the new stuff for the interior of the new house. I am feeling more than a bit overwhelmed with the amount of things that need to be decided upon and am hoping that I don't pick wrong and end up living in an unmatching horror story.

* I have developed a new hatred of my fellow Y work outers. This week it is the one's who choose the treadmills with the TV's in them and then do not watch TV. If you are going to listen to your IPOD and not watch TV then head over to the TV-less treadmills. I actually felt my fists clench when this annoying woman took the last good treadmill and then proceeded to read a magazine.

* I also have decided that to those of you that feel the need to pass gas while running and think that the rest of us don't hear it or smell it, well let's just say there is a special place in Hell for you.

* Kelsey is writing midterms right now and because she attends a semestered school she has a whopping two to write. Then she gets almost two weeks off school to allow the grade 12 students to write their diploma exams in peace and to have extra study time. What a joke. I attended a non-semestered school, had five exams to write at a time and didn't get a day off for anything. I don't think we even got extra study time in University!

* Wil has foul poop again and without going into too much detail I am seriously considering have the nerves that conduct impulses to my nose surgically removed.

* Then there is this....

This is Freda. The woman has been an icon in our neck of the woods since I was in junior high school. At that time she could still walk and would frequent the community shopping center that myself and all my friends worked at. Freda is not handicapped per se, she is simply too big to walk now. Years ago we would see her waddle her way into the stores and we would all call each other to let the other know that we had a sighting, it was probably cruel and most definitely immature, and I would like to say that we have grown up since then....Sadly as evidenced by my husbands recent cell phone pictures we have not. In this shot Freda, in her electric chair, that she rides side saddle in, decided against going in to get her coffee and instead went through the drive-thru. Freda is probably the rudest and most foul person I have ever met. Freda does not think twice about ramming you in her chair, cutting ahead of you in line at Walmart, and seen here, butting in line at Tim Horton's. Up until recently there was a Facebook group dedicated to Freda sightings, but sadly it got taken down because these shots would have been perfect.
I should also add that Freda is married to "Lurch" you know the guy from the Adam's family? Although, no one has seen him recently and we are thinking Freda may have eaten him.

YMCA ramblings...

I have now been going to the Y for five months. In that five months I have not only lost a few pounds and surely made my heart happier, I have also noticed that some of the weirdest people on Earth go there too. Take for instance this one guy who I have seen on numerous occasions, who walks the track in jeans and a leather coat. What's with that? Then the other day I saw a woman not only walking the track with her coat on but carrying a Safeway bag full of groceries?? What is she doing?

There is another real star of a guy who looks like he stepped directly out of his Delorian and onto the track of our local YMCA. The guy wears boner pants, which should in itself sum him up. I run on the treadmill and the track circles me. I have made the mistake of looking up numerous times right at the exact moment he runs by me. I am pretty sure that now he thinks I am trying to pick him up which couldn't be further from the truth. I have noticed that he goes out of his way to warm up beside me. I am hopeful his boner pants don't give him away.

Then there is this weird old guy who is trying very hard to emulate Stevie Wonder. As he works out on the elliptical he listens to his music and closes his eyes, swaying back and forth to the beat. I cannot help but laugh out loud at him. I try to be subtle but find myself pointing and gawking. I wonder if that is wrong?

Then there is the group of girls who come to "work out". They arrive in full make-up, short black shorts and never break a sweat, not even a hint of dew forms on their overly made up faces. I noticed yesterday that one of them wears these weird lace up boot runners, kind of like a wrestler. I think she may be the ring leader.

On a side note not directly related to the people at the Y, I sunk to an all time low while working out yesterday. I was listening to my music and flipping through the channels on the TV when I came across something I have never seen before, and like a car wreck I stopped to watch. It was a competition for the strongest man. I swear, I have never seen anything so stupid as long as I have lived. Here on national television these weird looking men with no necks compete in events to be considered the strongest and possibly stupidest man on Earth. I tuned in just in time to see some neanderthal man lifting kegs above his head and throwing them up and over a banner like thing. After he was done and the white trash crowd was done cheering he would tear off his shirt and be interviewed by some reported who obviously drew the short straw that day. I am willing to hedge a bet that if you were to take the mean IQ in that crowd it would hover somewhere around 35.